
Here is a finalist review for a full read for Team 1.21 Gigawatts for the first round of SPSFC#5 by team judge Wick Welker. For more information about the team and our progress, please go to the team update page here.
Our Simulated Selves by Nikki Null
Who came first, the chick or the egg?
Our Simulated Selves is a masterful science fiction tale about a very unhappy man who is trying to figure out what is wrong with himself. The book starts off with a bang that hooks you in and then peppers in what at first appears to be a romance. What you get in the end is a totally mind bending para/meta-reality journey about self actualization. The author takes you from a pretty basic romance with glib dialogue and innocuous plot details and walks you along into an earth shattering resolution about self identity where everything matters. The characters, pacing, resolution and point of the whole story was stunning and I thoroughly enjoyed every page of this book. I just kept being shocked at each twist that keeps getting layered on and how the twists relate to the main character. The heart of this story is a transgender journey but make no mistake—this is not a book that exploits tokenism. This is a thoughtful and well told story and just a damn good science fiction novel all around. It has so much heart and it gave me chills to finish. This book is for anyone.
The biggest threat to myself was myself.
The self loathing of the main character and all his vulnerabilities are really fleshed out to the point that the reader also gets annoyed with how dumb he is. And that’s the point. Ren is a man in deep dispossession of self identity and you join him as he spins his wheels trying to court a young woman.
It wasn’t that I hated myself. It was that I didn’t even know who I was.
But then the world falls apart and Ren is stuck with his dream girl. Just when I think he’s going to keep doing the same dumb things the story slowly walks you down a different path and you start to understand what the book is really about. And then the story expands into all the possibilities of what can happen to a single person and the potentials of who they can become.
My life was never a romance. It was sci-fi.
The real relationship that Ren and Jeanne form is truly something beautiful.
In lieu of cracking my egg, Jeanne had been building a nest.
I suspect that, aside from this being a genuinely great sci-fi book, that this book could legitimately help a lot of people understand themselves. Based on the author’s notes, it seems semi-autobiographical and I greatly appreciate the thought and clear love they put into the work. This book is ultimately about choosing happiness through authenticity and I highly recommend it.
I received a free copy as a judge for the SPSFC5 competition. This review has no bearing on the book’s standing in the competition.
This review is also posted on Wick’s Goodreads profile. Wick’s website is here.
















